


science project gone gay (not clickbait)

by biggest_clown_in_the_circus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blood Mention in chapters 5 + 6, From an RP, Hurt/Comfort, John Egbert is Not a Homosexual, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), for sure he definitely isnt dont even worry about it, neither of them are neurotypical, so this will be in 3rd person, sorry homestucks, theyre doing science.....
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 10:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25968046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biggest_clown_in_the_circus/pseuds/biggest_clown_in_the_circus
Summary: EB: i mean... im not a homosexual myself but i'd say youre pretty handsome hahaTT: Well shucks, Egbert. You sure know how to make a lady blush.TT: And it’s not so much my physique I’m worried to pass down, but my affinity for storing swords in refrigerators.EB: well i think refrigerators are a fine place to store swords, but alright haha!
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas (background), John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. Pesterlog

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  


EB: hey is this dirk? i got your number from dave!  
TT: As a matter of fact, I am.  
TT: And you are?  
EB: this is john! we have that project in science together  
TT: Right. We still need to discuss the logistics of that, don’t we?  
EB: i guess we do! so what do you wanna research for it?  
TT: Biology pique your interest?  
EB: i love biology! that sounds perfect!  
EB: what specifically in biology do you wanna research? im really interested in dominant and recessive genes  
TT: Sure, we can go with that. Although I’ll admit, I‘ve never had much of a vested interest in learning what genes I’m cursing upon my offspring, so my prior knowledge is scarce.  
EB: cool! im a big fan of punnet squares, they make understanding dominant and recessive genes really easy! also im sure saying that your offspring will be cursed with your genes is overexaggerating haha  
EB: i mean... im not a homosexual myself but i'd say youre pretty handsome haha  
TT: Well shucks, Egbert. You sure know how to make a lady blush.  
TT: And it’s not so much my physique I’m worried to pass down, but my affinity for storing swords in refrigerators.  
EB: well i think refrigerators are a fine place to store swords, but alright haha!  
EB: so do you wanna meet up in person at some point to work on this or do you wanna work over text?  
TT: A man after my own heart, I see.  
TT: I’m chill with either. The former isn’t such a bad idea, though, considering you’re already acquainted with casa de Strider.  
EB: i work better in person myself  
EB: dave and i were planning on hanging out tomorrow so we could work on it while im there?  
EB: after i destroy you and dave in mario kart haha  
TT: Cool. Although we might have to take a detour to the roof for the acts of slander you’ve committed.  
TT: However, I’ve decided to take pity on you this time, only because it’s cute watching you try to win against me and Dave.  
EB: trying to win??? im gonna destroy your ass for that one strider!!  
TT: Looking forward to it. The crushing look of defeat on your face when I’ve pulverized you, that is.  
EB: sure, strider  
EB: youre just jealous because i get to peach before you every time haha  
TT: I’ll get to her before you, one day.  
TT: Mark my words.  
EB: sure you will.  
EB: anyways! should i bring posterboard or something for the project or do you have some over there  
EB: i assume you dont have any though lol, all the storage space in that house is either full of shitty anime swords or dave's rap cd's haha  
TT: That was low, man. I’ll have you know those swords are authentic, straight from Daiso.  
TT: ... And bringing the poster board would be appreciated.  
EB: hahahahahahahahaha!!! i KNEW it!  
EB: ill stop at michaels on the way over, do you have a preferred color?  
EB: if you dont its probably gonna be bright green lol  
TT: Actually, I’m quite in favor of bright green. This poster board can be our perfect little monstrosity.  
TT: If not, a simple white will do.  
EB: really? i thought you'd be more of an orange kinda guy  
EB: alrighty though, ill go for the most atrocious neon green they have haha  
TT: We can always save the orange for the writing portion. I can already hear Rose’s girlfriend shaking in her boots at the thought.  
TT: I’ll hold you to it.  
EB: my eyes hurt just thinking about it lol  
EB: ill have to tell kan and rose about this, they might implode haha  
EB: i hope your handwriting is better than mine haha, if we use mine no one will be able to read it lol  
EB: or would that add to the atrocity?  
TT: Many have likened my handwriting to chicken scratch, so I suppose we’ll have to wait and see who reigns champion as the most horrid writer.  
TT: John. We’re committed, now. This project will be a direct insult to all graphic design. Of course we’re adding to the atrocity.  
EB: im excited to create something this absolutely terrible with you  
EB: we should try writing with our opposite hands to make it even worse!  
EB: but if our handwriting isnt bad enough even with that we could always trace comic sans onto it lol  
TT: Alas, years of sword wielding has contributed to my ambidexterity. That wouldn’t work.  
TT: Fortunately, I think we have some letter stencils in comic sans.  
EB: oh youre ambidextrous? thats so cool!!! did you have to train yourself or did it come along naturally?  
EB: also of course you have comic sans stencils haha  
TT: Here and there I had to train myself to write semi-coherently, but otherwise it came pretty naturally.  
TT: And of course. Dave and I are trying to convert SBAHJ into paperback.  
EB: thats really cool! are you able to write different things with both arms?? i dont really know how ambidextrous people work haha  
EB: also please show me the first copy when its done!  
TT: Some people probably could. I can’t. Why, are you right handed yourself?  
TT: Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ll even throw in a bonus comic, for such adorable fans like yourself.  
TT: I mean, adoring.  
EB: left handed, actually!  
EB: also awwwwwww you think im adorable haha  
TT: That’s pretty rad. Is that something that can be passed down at all? I’m a bit out of my area of expertise, for that one.  
TT: Shit, I really screwed the proverbial pooch on that one. Trust me, I’m usually better with containing Freudian slips.  
EB: suuuure that was a freudian slip, strider. suuuureee  
EB: being left handed is genetic! it actually wraps back around to dominant and recessive genes, its the recessive one!  
EB: about 10 percent of people are left handed, but that actually doubles if youre a twin!  
EB: dominant and recessive genes are so neat  
EB: also its apparently way easier to learn how to be ambidextrous if youre left handed, but i've never had any luck lol  
TT: Funny how that works out. We could probably use all this in our project. It sure gives us an excuse for the shitty handwriting.  
TT: And for legality’s sake, it was a Freudian slip, lest Dave kill me for mackin’ on his almost-boyfriend. Unless you’re not.  
TT: Moving on. You’ve tried to learn before?  
EB: dave and i are not dating!!!!! not only am i not gay but im pretty sure hes interested in that loud kid anyways  
EB: also yeah! using it in our project would be smart  
EB: i used to try to learn when i was younger so i could play wii games with both hands, but i wasnt very good at it  
EB: maybe you could teach me haha  
TT: Shit. That’s the best—albeit attempted—use of ambidexterity I’ve ever seen.  
TT: I’d be willing to do it, so long as you refer to me as Sensei throughout.  
EB: ill call you sensei if you let me win in mario kart!  
TT: If you let me play Peach, then you have yourself a deal.  
EB: now that's too far for me  
EB: maybe if you make some food that isnt hot pockets while im over there ill take that deal  
EB: both because i am tired of having hot pockets whenever im there, and because im not entirely sure you eat other things at this point! haha  
TT: Excuse me. I’ll have you know we also eat an obscene amount of ramen noodles.  
TT: Do you like Gushers, perchance?  
EB: i LOVE gushers but i was thinking about something more substantial haha  
EB: maybe gushers could be the dessert?  
EB: i was thinking maybe chinese food or somehting? i could help pay, or you could be a gentleman and pay for us haha  
TT: Nah, I’m having you over, so I wouldn’t make you pay.  
TT: I do admit Gushers doesn’t sound optimal for an actual meal. If you want, Chinese would be just fine.  
EB: haha yeah speaking as someone whos had gushers for more than his fair share of meals, its not ideal!  
EB: chinese is good, ill show you the menu for my favorite chinese place when i get there tomorrow  
EB: unless you think you know a chinese place better than Madame Lu's? which i assure you, you do not  
TT: Damn. Sounding real confident there, Egbert.  
TT: Now I have only the highest expectations for our miniature excursion to Madame Lu’s tomorrow.  
TT: I take it you go there often?  
EB: yeah, when my dad's out on business i usually order chinese, because my only other options are birthday cake or shaving cream, and i have done rigorous tests on all of the chinese restaurants in the area  
EB: i can pretty conclusively say: Madame Lu's is the best chinese place in a 20 mile radius at least  
TT: Rigorous tests? I’m starting to think we had the wrong idea with doing our project on genetic dexterity.  
TT: However, it sounds time consuming.  
TT: Is your father out on business often?  
EB: haha, i wouldnt consider my tests "scientific" though, so they probably wouldnt work for our project  
EB: hes out on buisness about 2 or 3 weeks out of the year? its not too much time but its been enough for me to do my tests haha  
EB: it helps that there arent many chinese restaurants in the area lol  
EB: maybe you me and dave could all go on a roadtrip one day! we could head over to houston and check out their chinese food scene haha  
EB: though that does mean i'd have to continue my testing.....  
EB: maybe this time you could help me out with it!  
TT: That sounds pretty dope.  
TT: Testing conditions *are* optimal with three people, in case we need a tiebreaker.  
TT: Count me in, if it ever happens.  
EB: nice!! im looking foreward to it!  
EB: anyways, i have some english work to get done, so i should probably log off  
EB: youre a lot cooler than i thought dirk! we should talk more lol  
EB: dont let that go to your ego though haha  


ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  



	2. Mario Kart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We can get into the nitty gritty of genetics as soon as I *destroy* your ass in Mario Kart like we planned!” 
> 
> “Those are some bold promises you’re making Egbert, you think you can keep em?” John elbows him in the side before proclaiming with a wink, 
> 
> "Of course I can, ‘sensei’ Dirk! Now get your eyes off of peach, you *know* I have dibs.” Dirk rolls his eyes, before realizing that his shades made it a moot point.
> 
> “It can’t be helped, I can’t keep my eyes off her. She’s just begging me to play her — I can see it in her bright blue orbs.”

Standing outside of the Strider family home is John Egbert, holding a large, bright green, poster board in one arm, and his backpack slung over the other. He goes up to the door, drops the posterboard for a moment, and knocks on the door. After approximately 2 seconds without an answer, he rings the doorbell and calls out, 

“Striders? You in there?” A few seconds later, Dirk opens the door. 

“Here as ever. Wanna come in?” He barely has time to finish the sentence before John is pushing past him and into the living room. He throws his bag and the posterboard on the table in front of the couch, and then falls dramatically onto the couch. 

“Is Dave here? Or do I have the absolute honor of being alone with the one and only Dirkothy Stride- sorry- *Sensei* Dirkothy Strider?” He asks, stopping to laugh before saying the word sensei. Dirk’s mouth twitches upwards into what could be described as a smile, but only for a moment, before he says,

“Nah, he had to bail, headed out somewhere with shouty I’m pretty sure. So it’s just you and me, John-Kun, getting into the nitty-gritty details of genetics.” John smiles, and sits up, saying, 

“We can get into the nitty gritty of genetics as soon as I *destroy* your ass in Mario Kart like we planned!” He stands to walk over to the TV, bending down to set up Mario Kart and grap the controllers. He throws Dirk his controller before throwing himself back on the couch. Dirk catches the remote with his practiced reflexes, then seats himself to John’s right.

“Those are some bold promises you’re making Egbert, you think you can keep em?” John elbows him in the side before proclaiming with a wink, 

"Of course I can, ‘sensei’ Dirk! Now get your eyes off of peach, you *know* I have dibs.” Dirk rolls his eyes, before realizing that his shades made it a moot point.

“It can’t be helped, I can’t keep my eyes off her. She’s just begging me to play her — I can see it in her bright blue orbs.” He deadpans. John quickly snatches up Peach, before saying with a laugh, 

“I know Peach is tempting, but youre gonna have to settle for Daisy now!!” 

“No way man. I’m going for Rosalina, and with her I’m going to avenge my rightful ownership to Peach.” He leans foreward a bit, resting his elbows on his knees, but in the process making his thigh brush up against John’s. John freezes momentarily, staring where their thighs were connected, before shaking his head and looking back at the screen.

“ _ Oh.” _ Dirk idly thinks, as he looks down at their legs touching.

“Strider, you arent even prepared for my mario kart skills! I am unbeatable!” John exclaims as the game starts. As they pass through the rounds, Dirk miraculously stays pretty far ahead of John, despite the brunette blocking his view of the screen by leaning over him on any right turn.    
“Quit blocking the screen! Makes a guy think your only strategy is obstructing my vision because you suck ass at the game.” Dirk’s body remains still, but his hands are moving a mile a minute, and he even chances a glance at John every once in a while. Just to keep an eye on his opponent. For sure.

“Sorry Sensei Dirkothy, but *I* play dirty!” John says with a wink that goes unseen, as he throws a blue shell at Dirk, surpassing him in the last second of the final lap. 

“YES!!” John cheers, throwing his arms up in celebration as Peach does her victory laps. Dirk tosses his remote to the side of the couch in a weak performance of rage, with a muttered “Motherfucker” under his breath. 

“I would congratulate you on a fair game, if not for your violations of international Mario Kart sportsmanship law.” Dirk says, in his usual deadpan.

“Oh *please* educate me about Mario Kart sportsmanship law, Sensei Dirkothy” John says dramatically, putting the back of his hand to his forehead and draping himself onto Dirk’s lap. Dirk lets out a laugh at John’s antics, before responding, “Fear not, fair maiden, because your prince is here. I'm about to lay into you the sweet, sweet basics of how not to be a dirty fucking cheater. Rule number one: don't use your lion's mane to block the screen.” He smiles down at John, whos head is still resting in his lap. John flushes, both at being called a maiden and at the fact that he is in the lap of one Dirk Strider. He doesn’t move yet though, afraid of making it awkward. He shakes himself out of his stupor before saying, 

“Well those laws are unjust, and I will not be following them! My methods are perfect and I will change for no man!!” He leans up a bit on his elbows in Dirk’s lap, digging the sharp bones into his thighs. “Anyways, now that i have *thoroughly* destroyed your ass in Mario kart, we should probably get started on our project, huh?” Dirk feels an unwelcome warmth spread across his face. It feels like its been years since he’s had someone this close to him, or maybe it really has been years, he can’t remember right now. 

“I'd hardly say I was thoroughly destroyed. If you'll remember, we were neck and neck before you *barely* surpassed me.” He leans back into the cushions of the couch, hoping to put a bit of distance between his face and John’s. “And yeah, that'd be a good idea. I can steal Dave's art supplies real quick if you don't have anything to write with.” As he pulls away, John realizes how close he was and he nervously chuckles, before quickly pushing himself off of Dirk completely. 

“Yeah, I forgot to bring anything to write with so that would be helpful!” John says, hoping that that will give him a moment alone to process his thoughts. Dirk quickly stands up, walking out of the living room and into Dave’s room to collect some pens and pencils and the like. He pauses at the door before heading back into the living room, letting himself breathe for a moment, and realizing that his heart rate had gone up a considerable amount. 

Back in the living room, John Egbert sits on the couch, head in his hands, trying desperately to figure out why he feels so weird. He quickly decides to get some water from the kitchen, figuring that he had been there enough to navigate the kitchen properly.

Dirk stepped out of Dave’s room just in time to see John walking into the kitchen. He quickly moves beside John, warning him, “Shit, don't try and open anything. Only a Strider could traverse this kitchen of nightmares. What is it you want?”

“Jesus *christ!* I forgot how sneaky you Striders are, I didn’t even hear you coming up! Anyways, I just want some water, I’m sure i can figure it out.” He boldly walks up to a cabinet and pulls it open, expecting to see some plates and glasses and the like. Instead, he gets a face full of Strider, as Dirk jumps in front of him, letting the blunt force of the patented Strider Bullshit falling out of the cabinet. The anime swords make an awful clanging sound when they hit the floor, but the smuppets are uncomfortably quiet as they make contact with the tile. John’s face goes red, both because of Dirk’s closeness, and because he would jump in front of him like that.

“I warned you about those cabinets, bro. Just stay tight on the sofa while I grab you some water” Dirk says, gently pushing him back towards the living room. 

“Alright Dirk, thank you for saving me from that” John laughs as he walks back into the living room. 

Dirk swears quietly under his breath, much more fondly than he’d like to admit. He grabs a glass out of a different cabinet and fills it up before he can think more about it, and brings it out to John.

“Here's one cup of H2O per your request.” He says, holding the glass out to John, who takes it and downs at least half in one go. 

“Thanks, Sensei Dirkothy,” he says with a laugh, “Anyways, we should really get to work. Is there a table around we could work at?”

“Not in the immediate area, but I do have a desk in my room.” Dirk says, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his door. John nods and walks over to the door, opening it. Immediately, Lil Cal falls on his face, and bounces onto the ground. John stares at him in slight horror before looking back at Dirk with a questioning glance. 

“Oh, yeah. Say hi to my bestie, John. He watches my room for me while I'm away.” Dirk smiles a bit, even though he is completely, wholly, serious. John looks back and forth between Lil Cal and Dirk for a moment, before bending down, picking up Lil Cal, and holding him out to Dirk. 

“Not gonna lie dirk! Thats kinda creepy! But he's kind of cute so I'll let it slide.” Dirk takes Lil Cal back from John, and places him on the windowsill above his bed. John walks around the room for a moment, before stopping at the bed. 

“Are those My Little Pony sheets??” He asks, barely containing his laughter. Dirk quirks an eyebrow at him. 

“Indeed, they are. Why, want to purchase your own? I'm down for matching if you want.”

“Matching sheets? Isn't that moving a little fast, Dirkothy?” John winks, as he walks over to the desk, putting down the poster board and sitting down in the chair. Dirk walks over, and stands directly behind John, leaning down slightly to look at the poster board.

“Not for you, Darlin,” Dirk replies, emphasizing his southern drawl and looking down at John, “I think it's time we take this to the next level. Matching bed sheets are only the first step.” John’s face goes bright red, and he freezes for a fleeting moment, before deciding to go all in. He leans back into Dirks chest and says, in the worlds shittiest southern accent, “Well *I* think that's just *scandalous* Sensei Dirk, but if you insist, then I’m ready to take that step!” Dirk, who did not at all expect John to reciprocate any of what he was doing, nearly dies on the spot, but he manages to restrain himself.

“Scandal don't mean a thing when I'm with you. I'm ready to commit premarital blanket twinning.” Dirk recovers, smoothly dipping John backwards on the chair, before unceremoniously dropping him to the floor. John flushes bright red, and makes a truly embarrassing squeak as he falls to the ground. “Okay, enough bullshitting. Let's actually start this.” Dirk says, pulling out another chair and seating himself next to John’s fallen one.

“You are a cruel, cruel man Dirk. But fine! we can begin our work, if we must.” John laughs for a moment, before grabbing a pen and a piece of scratch paper. He hands them to dirk and says “Before we start we need to see whose handwriting is worse!” Dirk accepts the pen and paper, and says “Let’s do this.” He writes “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog." His handwriting is atrocious, but legible. Its all running into each other and its way to small, but you can still read it. John looks at it and says “That's *nothing* Dirk! Watch this!” He grabs the pen from Dirk, and writes the same thing. He switches between cursive and print every other 2 letters, and all of it gets smudged by his hand as the ink doesn’t dry fast enough. It is completely illegible, and it is *perfect.* 

“*Jesus*” Dirk grimaces at the near sight of it. Its the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “You've won, John. I humbly submit myself to your vast superiority, as the rightful ruler of Godawful handwriting” John cheers, and begins waving and bowing to a fake audience. He laughs at his own joke for a good few seconds, before turning to face dirk in his chair and asking “Okay, should we start actually writing stuff on the board now?”

“Yeah, here, I can write the title and you can handle the rest.” He grabs the bright orange pen and writes out a shitty genetics pun in large writing at the top, before handing the pen back to John, who takes the marker and begins to draw out some punnett squares. He then proceeds to write the full script of Game Theory’s video on Rosalina, not that you would be able to tell. When he’s finished, he caps the pen turns to look at Dirk, before realizing how close their chairs had gotten and scooting away a bit.

“That should be enough for now! Wanna go get some food now? It’s getting kinda late and I haven’t eaten since lunch.” Dirk looks down at his watch, seeing that it is already 7:30 PM. “Yeah. I don't know if Dave took the car with him when he went to Vantas', but there's a solid chance you might have to drive. That cool with you?”

“Yeah I’m fine with that. We can listen to my horrible playlist on the way there!” John says with a smile. “Let’s head out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello 2 updates in 1 night bc i got bored and typed out the rest  
> thats all i have so far tho!  
> also john listens to 100gecs and so does dirk no you cant change my mind


	3. Driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And they say chivalry is dead. Why, thank you, Mr. Egbert. I’m honored to be in the presence of such an esteemed innovator.”

Dirk nods at John, and gives him an insincere salute. They walk out of the apartment building in silence. When they reach the parking lot, Dirk turns to John and asks, “So, which vehicle am I listening to your shitty playlist in?” 

“That’s my car right there!” John says, pointing excitedly at a shitty, dark blue PT Cruiser. It is truly a miracle that he was able to drive it over here. He turns to Dirk while pointing, and he looks unbelievably proud of it, smiling ear to ear, his eyes bright with an absolute chaotic glee.

“Dude.” Dirk says, turning to John. He’s both heavily concerned and extremely impressed, and doesn’t know which to voice. “This is the most beautiful piece of shit I’ve ever seen.”  
"Thanks Dirk! I've had it for a whole year now, I even installed a new stereo into it so I can plug my phone in!" He walks to the passengers side and opens the door for Dirk, bowing slightly and saying, "Ladies first!"

“And they say chivalry is dead. Why, thank you, Mr. Egbert. I’m honored to be in the presence of such an esteemed innovator.” Dirk tilts his glasses down a touch to bat his eyelashes at John before sliding into the seat. He then checks out what John’s done with the thing, making observations from behind his shades. There are various funko pops littering the dashboard, theres at least 3 cans of monster energy strewn about, and he has somehow managed to install bright green carpeting in all of the footwells. John opens the door from his side, and slides into his seat. 

“So Dirk, how do you like my sweet ride? Does it live up to your Strider Standards?” John asks, turning in his seat to look at Dirk with wide eyes.

“Well, it’s the dweebiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he starts, leaning back in his seat. “And it’s a cluttered mess of all the shit you like, so it fits you to a T.” He smirks, maybe smiles. “So yeah, I dig it.” John pauses for a moment, processing that sentence, before bursting out, “Awwwwwww!! You like me!!!!”   
Before Dirk gets a chance to respond, John turns the key, which turns on his music. Stupid Horse by 100gecs begins playing at top volume, and John turns it down a bit, before “singing” along with the intro. Dirk rubs at his temple. That’s certainly the last time he’s paying anyone a compliment. 

“I’m concerned for both your music taste and the state of your hearing,” he tells John instead of addressing the previous statement, already knowing the point is moot. 

"Sensei Dirkothy, are you telling me that you don't listen to 100gecs?? I would've thought they would be right up your alley!" John says with a smile, before pulling out of his parking space and turning onto the street. 

“Says the one with the self-prescribed ‘horrible’ playlist,” Dirk snorts. “Unfortunately, Dave and mine’s free styling has ruined all other music for me. It’s a tragedy.” Dirk pauses momentarily in an attempt to remember who he listens to. “Except for Nicki,” he amends. 

"Well we should've brought some of your cd's then! I do think I have some Nicki saved though..." John says, opening his phone at a stop sign and handing it over to Dirk, "Here, I have apple music, find something you like!" Dirk, now with the power to play whatever he wants, chooses the most godawful song he can think of. As the beginning of Barnacle Porn starts trickling through the speakers, he grins. “Actually, this is another example of exemplary music.” John looks horrified momentarily before slightly recovering enough to drive safely. He turns to Dirk as he pulls into a parking spot at Madame Lu’s, the song finishing up as he speaks.

"Dirk, you cannot say that 100gecs is bad when you made me listen to that monstrosity! Also, we're here." 

“Actually, I already did,” Dirk retorts, dripping with wit and originality.

Madame Lu's is a hole in the wall restaurant, with a flickering neon sign that says "WE'RE OPEN!" in the window. Theres a few 2 top tables visible from the window, and from looking at it, you would assume the food is shitty as hell. John looks at Dirk excitedly. Dirk’s eyes cascade from the door to the window, giving it an analytical look-over.

“I’m presuming this place isn’t as trashy as it looks?” He turns to John, quirking an eyebrow. John rolls his eyes at him, "Are you really questioning my judgement, Dirk? I am the Chinese food master, and I'd appreciate it if you respected my title thank you very much!"

“You say that whilst in the same breath forgetting my title as your Sensei. For shame.” John laughs and he hops out of the car. He walks around to the other side of the car to open the door for Dirk. "Don't think this is an act of chivalry-I’m still mad at you for doubting me- the door is just stuck from the inside." John says sarcastically. Dirk readjusts his shades and steps out of the car, choking after hearing what John said about the door.

“How does anypony even agree to letting you drive them?” 

"Sorry, did you say anypony??" John asks, bewildered.

“I’ve been trying use more gender neutral vocabulary in my speech,” Dirk dismisses casually. He shakes his head, then thinks for a second. “You know, I could probably fix this for you.”

“You'd be willing to do that for me, my dear Dirkothy?” John asks, in a fake, overly sweet voice, while clasping his hands and bringing them up to his cheek.

“Yeah, actually. Hell, I could even teach you — that’d be pretty sweet. The only gripe is whether or not to include you under the friends discount. Hmm.”

"Another thing for you, the esteemed Sensei Dirk to teach me! I'm so excited! You *better* give me the friends discount!!" John says with glee, looking extremely excited before remembering, "Oh shit! I forgot to force you to start teaching me how to be ambidextrous today! I guess that means we'll have to hang out more later." John finishes with a wink, before turning and walking into Madame Lu's.  
Oh, damn. Dirk forgot about that. He makes a mental note to list those obligations later. He jogs a bit to catch up with John’s speed walking. “Why don’t we turn it into a two-in-one? Probably better to start out with motor skills less based in precision.” He says to John as they step into the tiny restaurant.  
"Sounds perfect ‘Sensei’ Dirk! I can't wait. Now what are you gonna order?" John asks, turning to Dirk and gesturing vaguely at the menu hung above the register. Dirk quickly picks a random thing off the menu. “Probably the imperial shrimp,” he says with a noncommittal shrug. “But hell, does that sweet and spicy chicken look good. You recommend anything?”  
"I personally love the honey walnut shrimp, but the sweet and spicy chicken is also pretty good!" John says, looking up at the menu, not that he really needs to at this point. "Alright," Dirk hums, taking it into consideration. Well, there's approval from both ends, so he might as well go for the chicken. "The chicken'll do just fine. You ready to order, or do you need another minute gazing lovingly at the menu?"

“Dirk, you know for a fact that I have had my order memorized for a long time now. Are you still paying?”

"Yeah, I got you." He nods, taking out his Muppets wallet. 

“Love the wallet, Dirk." John says jokingly as he slides up in front of the register. 

"Thanks." Dirk replies, walking up next to him.

"I'll have the honey walnut shrimp with a side of chow mein! Dirk?"  
Dirk asks for the chicken and vegetable noodle soup, then turns to John when he's done paying. "You want to pick the table?"

"Sounds good!" John replies, before walking to a two top table-his favorite- in front of the window and sitting down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Listens To 100gecs. No, You Cant Change My Mind.
> 
> also thats all until next time :) sorry for the slightly abrupt ending lmao


	4. Madame Lu's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John looks *radiant*. Dirk has trouble speaking. “Of course. It’d be nice to see what you think about them, actually. I could always use some feedback. And, actually, there’s another project I’m taking on, if you’d like to see it as well. Do you know anything about AI's?” Dirk leans forward in his seat as a sudden anticipation rises in his chest for what John has to say.

Dirk slides in the chair opposite John. “We wait until the food is ready to pick it from the counter, correct?” he asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Yup!" John says, propping his elbows up on the table and putting his head in his hands. "Tell me something about yourself! You're overall a pretty big mystery to me, all i know about you really is that you're Dave’s older brother, you are ambidextrous, and you're a  _ huge _ dweeb."

“I resent that last part. I’m sure you know more about me than two things.” It has Dirk thinking himself. He thinks about Gushers, Madame Lu’s, left-handedness, and John’s dad; everything he knows about John Egbert comes forward at once, loitering in the forefront of his head. It is very little. “But for what it’s worth, I dabble in philosophy and robotics.”

"That's so cool! Do you make robots? Can you show me them? Do they have names? How long does it take to make them? Is it hard?" John bursts out in a rapid fire. His eyes are bright and excited, this is the first time Dirk has seen him so enthusiastic. Quickly, John realizes how overwhelming those questions must have been, and he says "I mean uh. That's really cool!"

“Are you interested in them, too?” Dirk asks quickly, perking up ever so slightly. He knows he’s racking up things to show John by the dozen, but the thought of anyone matching his own enthusiasm about the things he likes- well. Dirk coughs into his fist. “I’ve got a couple finished, but most of them are in the works. You can see ‘em any time you like.”

"I'd LOVE to see them!! Y'know, robots still feel like such a sci-fi kind of thing, and the idea that someone I know knows how to make them is so cool!" John is practically glowing at this point. He's liking talking to Dirk a lot more than he thought he would. He puts that into his "to think about later" box, and asks another question, "Could you show me them after we eat?"

John looks  _ radiant _ . Dirk has trouble speaking. “Of course. It’d be nice to see what you think about them, actually. I could always use some feedback. And, actually, there’s another project I’m taking on, if you’d like to see it as well. Do you know anything about AIs?” Dirk leans forward in his seat as a sudden anticipation rises in his chest for what John has to say.

"I don't know a lot, but i do know that most movies talk about how its going to destroy the world or something? I don't really believe that though." John says with a laugh. "Are you making an AI?? Isn't that like. really, really difficult though?" 

“Something’s going to destroy us. If it’s my asshole of an AI, then so be it.” Dirk shrugs. “I’m basing it off my own personality. It’s supposed to be a way for me to text people without being there. If I get it to perfectly mimic my mannerisms, it’ll be as if I’m the one actually responding.” 

"That sounds really cool! Is it very hard to base it off your own personality? What are you usually doing that makes it so you cant respond to texts?" John asks in a rapid fire fashion. “Not particularly. It’s the finer details of irony that are the most difficult to teach it,” Dirk explains, his eyes flickering to the side to see if their food is done. He doesn’t know what else to say, so he spins the question on John. “I won’t bore you with all the details. What are you interested in, anyway?” John answers, "Uh, I'm really interested in biology and Nick Cage movies myself, but your interests sound a lot more exciting to me."

“Hey, biology’s rad as fuck. Nic Cage, on the other hand, is more debatable. And by debatable I mean indisputably dweeby.”

"Hey! Don't shit on Nic, he's so cool! Your collection of anime swords, on the other hand, could very easily be considered dweeby." John says, mock defensively, crossing his arms. He opens his mouth to start speaking again, but one of the workers calls out that their food is ready and he stands up to grab it off the counter. As he walks back to the table, he asks, "Are we eating here or at your place, Sensei?"

“Well, we didn’t come all the way over here for nothing. I reckon we should stay,” Dirk answers, glaring at him unabashedly through his shades. “And my esteemed collection of Japanese weaponry isn’t at all comparable to the cheesy movies Cage stars in. Worse, the latter was done in complete, unironic sincerity.”

"Oh don't pretend like those swords are ironic, we both know how important they are to you, dweeb." John says, with the energy of someone rustling a shorter person's hair, "Anyways, of course Cage's movies were sincere!! They are all cinematic masterpieces, and they should be treated as such!" John says, crossing his arms again and scrunching up his face a bit in mock hostility. Dirk lowers his shades some to show John a disbelieving eyebrow. 

“Cage’s movies are certainly watchable, but I wouldn’t go as far to say they were cinematic masterpieces. Who’s been feeding you this propaganda?” After he’s finished, he subtly bristles. “They’re one hundred percent ironic. They just happen to double as useful. Hasn’t being friends with Dave taught you anything about irony?”

"Okay first, Cage's movies are absolutely fantastic, and you're just blinded to their beauty because you only watch MLP and anime. Second, yours and Dave's irony is so weird to me! I don't know why you two can't just admit that you like things!!" John says, becoming slightly exasperated at the end. He starts eating his shrimp while he waits for an answer. Dirk sips at his drink idly. “I can admit I like things. I like irony,” he says, as if it actually means anything. “Also, it’s a bit presumptuous to say I’m the one blinded, don’t you agree? I have reason to suspect you’re the one who can’t see reality for what it is, all because you can’t see past your man crush on Nic Cage.”

John chokes a bit on his food at the mention of him having a crush on Nic Cage. "I do not have a crush on him!! I just think he's a great actor, and he's very cool, and very ripped, and handsome, okay!?" John flushes a bit as he realizes what he said, before recovering with, "And anyways, I’m not gay, so It doesn't matter! Besides, I doubt you've ever even watched Con Air!" John says, crossing his arms again.

“Careful, Egbert. Your subconscious is showing,” Dirk teases. “Nevertheless, you would be correct in assuming I’ve never watched the thing. However, Dave’s anecdotes about the movie and audience ratings speak for themselves. Actually, taking that into consideration, your undeterred enthusiasm for the movie may place you as it’s number one fan.”

"You BET I’m the number one fan! And that was a freudian slip at _best_ Strider! I’m not gay! It's not my fault that Nic Cage looks like that!!" John says, crossing his arms yet again, speaking in a mock defensive tone. "Also, its a _crime_ that you haven't watched Con Air. We're gonna watch it together and that is non-negotiable!!"

“John, you do realize that Freudian slips and words from the subconscious are the same thing, right,” he says, tone flat. He gives a forced sigh in the next second. “I suppose there’s nothing to be done, then. I’m starting to think our science project should be about the correlation between Egbert intake and deterioration of sanity.”

"Wait they are?? I thought freudian slips were just weird things your brain did? Huh!" John looks momentarily worried, before recovering and saying, "Also, I'm sure that the correlation is very strong, you can ask Dave!"

Dirk snorts. “Likely story, Egbert.” He thinks for a second. “I’m not sure Dave is a reliable source, considering he hangs out with- well, everyone that he hangs out with, plus the added experience of living in the Strider household.”

"I mean, fair, but I think you can probably trace the downward trend in sanity from around the 2nd grade when we met." John laughs and looks down at the table for a moment, realizing that their plates are pretty much empty. "I'm done with my food, are you almost ready to head out?" 

“Yeah, I’m pretty much finished.” To emphasize this point, Dirk finishes the last piece of chicken and sets his utensils down on the table. He stacks the silverware on top of each other and stands up. “Shall we go?”

"We shall!" John says, quickly tossing out their leftover food and thanking the staff, before opening the door for Dirk and walking out into the cold night air.

"Thanks," Dirk says when he opens the door for them, a rush of warmth contrasting the cool breeze of the night. "Damn, it's hella late," he comments when he sees the darkened sky, and afterward stands patiently next to the door of John's PT Cruiser.

"Aww, does that mean we cant watch Con Air and look at your robots?" John says, opening the door for Dirk and looking at him with a doe eyed expression.

"Well, it isn't a school night --- not that I particularly care about that in the first place; I'm not exactly the poster boy for wellness --- and if your dad's okay with it, you could spend the night," Dirk offers, then taking his seat in the car. 

"That would be so cool! And I'm sure my dad will be okay with it." John says with a smile, barely holding back his excitement as he gets in the car. He puts on the song "Mr Blue Sky" and hands the phone to Dirk. "Here, you queue something for next."

"Chill. You should probably text him, though. I wouldn't want to be accused of kidnapping," he insists, and happily takes the phone from John. Since John is playing something decent, he responds in kind, and queues "Straight Face" after searching for a minute. Unsure of what to do with it, he just awkwardly slides the phone onto John's lap. John chuckles as Dirk slides the phone to him. 

"Alright, I'll text him at the next stop sign, I wouldn't wanna drive dangerously and crash with you in here or anything like that." John says, looking over at Dirk and freezing, because _fuck_ , when did Dirk get so pretty? The street lights are bouncing off his glasses and he just looks... Effervescent. John shakes his head a bit, putting that in the "to think about later" box as well. Dirk, unable to handle the look John throws at him (seriously, what was that?), darts his gaze out the window into the rolling streets around them. He silently fidgets with the hems of his shorts.

"Yes, that would be rather unfortunate. I can envision the headlines: Teenagers Found Dead In Car Accident After Son Tried to Prove He Wasn't Being Held Captive," he rambles, and lays back further in his seat. When they reach the next stop sign, John shoots out a quick text to his dad that reads ‘Staying over at the Striders house, back tmrw :)’ John laughs at Dirk’s comment as he pulls into a parking space. "Well we don't have to worry about that happening anymore! We're back." John steps out of the car and walks to the other side, opening the door for Dirk, "I'm not mad at you this time, so you _can_ consider this an act of chivalry." John says with a smile, offering out his hand like a prince would help a princess out of a carriage.

"My, _Egbert_. Forgive me if my knees buckle, for this onslaught of courteousness is simply sweeping me off my feet!" Despite the sarcasm, Dirk graciously accepts John's offer and takes John's hand in his. He gets out of the car, and with his mind on getting in the apartment, he forgets to let go. John notices that their hands are still laced together, but he doesn't say anything about it as they walk back up to the apartment. 

"Do you have a key?" John asks, even though he already knows that they keep a spare under a potted plant outside their door.

"Yeah, I have my own, don't worry." Dirk begins to fish the ke y out of his pockets when he notices their situation. Dirk gently removes his hand to take the key in it, and decides it's less awkward to leave it unmentioned. John's heart sinks a bit as Dirk drops his hand, but he, yet again, puts it away to think about later. Dirk opens the door and waits for John to go through. John walks past Dirk, then turns to look at him. "So! Where do you keep the robots??" John asks, his eyes lighting up again. Dirk allows a smile to ghost his lips. "I stashed them in Dave's room earlier today, but I can migrate them back into mine." 

Locking the door behind him, Dirk moves to do exactly that. A moment later, he's back in the entrance area, with Squarewave in tow. "Here's Squarewave. He was one of my firsts," he says, pride poorly concealed in his voice. John's eyes light up even more at the sight of the robot. "That's so cool!!! What does he do?? How did you get his name? Can he walk??" John asks again, in a rapid fire fashion, this time not apologizing at the end, too enamored with Squarewave to think about it.

"While I'd love to show you what he can do, he's off right now. I try not to turn him on too much. Our apartment can't exactly sustain the power needed to keep him running," he says apologetically. "I built him for rap battles, his name's Squarewave because of his mouth, and yes, he can walk. Unfortunately, he's insanely easy to beat, so I'm working on creating a tougher opponent for the same purpose."

"That’s so cool!! I bet I couldn't beat it, I'm sure you and Dave are just more advanced in the art of freestyle than regular people like me. Sucks that he takes up too much energy to turn on though," John says with a frown, before remembering, "Can I see the AI? Does it even have a physical form yet? Or is it just code? Either way can I see it?" John asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

"While it is true that Dave and I are more technically well-versed in the art of Rhythmic American Poetry, Squarewave is seriously easy to beat, dude. I have no doubt you could do it in a heartbeat." Dirk pauses to consider whether he should unleash the AR on an unsuspecting John, but hey, the man asked. "Yeah. If you want, I could let you talk to it."

"I can talk to it??? Thats so cool!!" John asks excitedly, "Where is it?"

"On my computer. Right now it can only talk while using my account on pesterchum." Dirk heads into his room, opens the client up, and lets John talk to it. He winces slightly at AR's snarky-yet-underdeveloped quips, and closes it around five minutes in. "Alright, that's enough."

“Wow Dirk! He’s like you but…. Worse! It’s so cool!” John praises, then stands up and looks down at Dirk. "So! Do you wanna watch Con Air now? Or do you have more robots to show me?" he says with a smile. Dirk shakes his head. "Unfortunately, Sawtooth is merely in the makings and, with my funding, Brobot is a pipedream, which means there are no more robots to stave me off from Con Air."

"Fuck yeah!! Con Air time!!!!!" John yells, "Do y'all have amazon prime or should I grab my emergency dvd out of my car?" Dirk's heart can't help but get caught in this throat. He's face-to-face with John's unabashed enthusiasm, the excitement abound on his face, and the sheer passion John holds for that stupid fucking movie. Why is this what he's into. "We have Amazon Prime. You... have an emergency dvd in your car?"

"Why wouldn't I??" John asks, extremely sincerely, "Also, the last one to the couch is a dweeb!!" John says, sprinting at full speed into the living room. Dirk flash-steps and arrives at the couch quickly. John may have started first, but he's been doing this for years. "Hey, dweeb," he greets triumphantly.

"No fair!! You're so much faster than me!" John groans, frowning and falling onto the couch, "You have wounded me, Sensei, and now I can't bring myself to get up and turn on Con Air, I’m too heartbroken! It looks like you're gonna have to do it for me." John laments dramatically, putting the back of his palm on his forehead.

"There, there. You'll have more time to pay me back for my transgression for making me watch this movie." Dirk stands up to take the remote and eventually finds the movie. "You want anything before we start?" he asks, turning to look behind him so he can see John. 

Fuck. Dirk is. Still really pretty, huh. Shit. John files that under ‘to think about later’. Did he ask a question? What did he ask? Something about if he wanted something? John quickly blurts out "Uhh, could you get me some water maybe? I would get it for myself, but going off of last time, I feel like that would be a bad idea." 

"You would be right. I can't say I'm looking forward to being the victim of spillage from unprofessional kitchen navigators again." After saying his piece, Dirk heads into the kitchen to get some water. He hands it to John, turns off the lights, gets settled on the couch, and presses play. John sits up from his laid out position, and subconsciously moves a bit closer to Dirk. "Do you have any blankets? It's kinda cold in here." John asks, taking a sip of his water. 

"Yeah, let me go fetch 'em from the closet." John pauses the movie as Dirk walks to the closet and rummages through it before finding what he's looking for: a large smuppet-print blanket. He tosses the blanket on top of John and sits closer than he did last time, to take some of it for himself.

"Thanks Dirk." John replies, naturally cuddling a bit closer to him and yawning. He struggles to keep his eyes open, and about halfway through the movie he passes out, his head resting on Dirk's shoulder. Dirk stills. He considers his options: leaving John on the couch (a dick move), dumping John in Dave's bed (typically not appreciated by the younger Strider, especially if sneaking in through the window with Karkat in tow), or letting John sleep in Dirk's own bed. Dirk sighs and finishes Con Air, then scooping John up and gently carrying him to Dirk's bed, trying his best not to wake the sleeping Egbert. John stirs slightly in his arms, regaining a bit of consciousness. He opens his eyes a bit, but quickly passes back out again after wrapping his arms around Dirk's shoulders. Dirk sets him down on his bed softly. He tenses when John's arms wrap around his shoulders, and he tries to leave John's grasp without John returning to lucidity. Alas, his attempts are in vain, as whenever he tries to move away, John stirs and his arms grow a bit tighter. Tired, craving human contact, and dreading a night spent on the couch, Dirk relents. He crawls into the bed alongside John, and allows their bodies to press together in an embrace. He closes his eyes, relishes in the warmth, and falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they r kinda gay   
> also if you leave a nice comment i will cry, probably


	5. Early Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a pretty good space heater Dirk, y'know that?"
> 
> “Shh,” Dirk hushes, letting his eyes fall shut. “We’re sleeping now, dude. The unconscious don’t talk.” John closes his eyes, meaning to think the sentence, "You're pretty cute when you're tired." but in his tired state, he says it aloud on accident, before promptly passing out. 

John stirs at about 6:30 AM, yawning and instinctively tightening his arms around the warm person next to him. It takes him a moment to register that, Oh. There is someone else in the bed with him. He looks down at Dirk's face, his head pressed against John's chest. His glasses are askew, and he looks drop dead gorgeous. Fuck. Put that in the “to think about later” box. John attempts to take the glasses off and set them on the table, in the hopes of making him more comfortable. Dirk stirs, and opens his eyes a fraction. In his partial consciousness, he only recognizes the morning light burning his eyes, and the awful feeling of waking up so early in the morning. Groaning, he tries to cover the light disturbing his sleep by stuffing his face into the nearest thing: John’s chest. His face goes bright red as Dirk cuddles closer to him. He is temporarily frozen, one arm midway between himself and the bedside table. He decides to place the glasses on the bed next to them instead, trying to move less in an attempt to not disturb Dirk too much. He then comes to the dilemma of where to put his hand. His right arm is draped on Dirk's side/back, so he decides to put his other arm in the same area. After a few minutes of laying there, quietly, basking in how Dirk looks in the early morning sun, he decides that he is probably being creepy, just staring at Dirk, and decides to gently shake him awake. 

  
"Hey Dirk, are you awake?" He whispers. Dirk swears he could kill John right now. John, who’s whispering close enough for him to hear. John, who is awake, and right next to Dirk in bed. John, who he’s currently holding captive in an honest-to-God embrace. He quickly rolls away from John to his side of the bed, then hoisting himself upwards until he’s sitting. He rubs his eyes and combs his hair back with his fingers. 

  
“Now I am,” he answers petulantly. “What time is it?” John feels suddenly very alone at the absence of Dirk in his arms, but he puts that in his "to think about later" box along with a lot of other Dirk-Related-Things. He looks down at his ghostbusters themed digital watch. 

  
"It's 6:38 AM." John replies. Dirk’s first instinct is to settle back in bed due to how dreadfully early it is. He’s not sure John would be a fan.

“Why so early?” he asks, honestly considering going back to bed, even with the full on cuddling they were doing earlier. He stares distantly at the wall in thought, and realizes just how white it is. It finally clicks in his mind that his shades are off, and he frantically starts patting the bed to find them.

  
"Oh shoot, sorry for taking your shades off! It just looked uncomfortable to sleep in them." John says. Dirk relaxes. So his shades didn’t fall loose and get crushed underneath their bodies. Good to know. "And, I don't know exactly why I'm up so early, I think the sun may have woken me up? I kinda wanna go back to sleep though." John says, yawning loudly and laying back in Dirk's bed. He places an arm over his eyes, and asks, "Are you up for passing out again?" Dirk looks at John again and gets mesmerized by the richness of John’s skin under the sun, and how wild his hair is after just having woken up in the morning. There’s a beautiful boy in Dirk’s bed, and he’s offering to go back to sleep. What is he waiting for?”   
  


"Yeah,” Dirk breathes, nodding. “Let me close the curtains real quick.” When Dirk comes back, he gets himself fixed underneath the covers, then pulls himself to John before he can think better of it. John happily wraps his arms back around Dirk, and says with a yawn, 

"You're a pretty good space heater Dirk, y'know that?"

“Shh,” Dirk hushes, letting his eyes fall shut. “We’re sleeping now, dude. The unconscious don’t talk.” John closes his eyes, meaning to think the sentence, "You're pretty cute when you're tired." but in his tired state, he says it aloud on accident, before promptly passing out. 

‘What the fuck’, Dirk thinks, suddenly more awake than ever. He’s tempted to wake John up and ask him to explain. His mind quickly shuts it down; John is straight, how could that have been any more than a simple compliment? Dirk accepts that, sighs, and pushes it out of his mind. He tries hard to ignore the strong beating of his heart as he falls asleep.

John's dreams are mostly centered around Dirk. Walking around with him, watching ghostbusters with him, texting him, and holding him like he is right now. He wakes up around 8:45, feeling really weird, and with a light blush on his face. He tries to put this into his, "To think about later" box, but he finds that it's overflowing, stuffed to the brim with thoughts of Dirk. He doesn't really know what to do. He decides to gently shake Dirk awake again, and ask him, 

"Hey Dirk? How did you know you were gay? Or like. Not Straight? Asking for a friend." Dirk groans, swatting John lightly. 

“Give me some time to wake up before you barrage me with an existential crisis,” he mumbles. He moves to sit up and feels for his shades. After he puts them on, he twists his body to face John, and fully processes the questions asked. Trying not to think about what or who brought on John’s sudden curiosity about his sexuality, he answers, “I can imagine spending the rest of my life with a man. Now, why are you asking me this at eight in the morning?”

"I just had some weird dreams! I mean, uh. My friend had some weird dreams." John says, quickly and poorly correcting himself. He sits up a bit and puts his glasses back on as well. "How did you come to the conclusion of spending your life with a guy? Is it just a feeling? Do you like... Think about guys a lot?" John asks, before remembering to add, "All of these questions are for my friend!"

“Damn, John. You’re asking real thoughtful questions for the sake of your friend. What a trooper,” Dirk says, disbelieving. “Well, the idea of spending my life with a woman romantically doesn’t feel fulfilling. It just feels ‘flat’, I suppose. It doesn’t seem like that’s of much help to you, since you seem to be thinking of the active attraction to men. I mean your friend.” Dirk’s lips twitch upwards. “And yes, I do think about guys often. Just quick little ‘hot damn’s here and there, if you catch my drift.”

"I understand. That gives me-er-my friend a lot to think about. What if they could see themself spending their life with both?" John asks, leaning forward a bit.

“Then, John, my best guess would be they’re bi,” Dirk answers, his body naturally following John’s. “Forgive my asking, but do I know this friend of yours? It’d help me answer better.”

"Uhhh. Maybe? His name is.... John.....nie." John says smoothly. "How would Johnnie know for sure that he's bi?"

“Johnnie,” Dirk repeats flatly. Nevertheless, he continues. “The only way to know for sure is to try it out.”

John flushes, then asks, "And how would Johnnie um. Try it out?"

“Well, is there a boy Johnnie’s thinking of kissing?” Dirk leans forward ever so slightly while his heart pounds in his chest.

"Maybe..." John says, leaning a bit closer to Dirk, eyes wide.

"John,” Dirk says, inching ever closer. “I need you to know you can tap out of this.” When Dirk finishes, he takes a deep breath, takes his shades off, and goes in to close the gap. John freezes for a moment, before leaning into the kiss. He brings his hands up to cradle Dirk's face, brushing his thumbs along his cheeks, and kissing him back. Dirk savors the kiss for all he can, melting under John’s touch, and lingering when John pulls their faces apart. 

"I think Johnnie is probably bi." John says. Dirk smiles softly, and traces over the blush on John’s face with his thumb. Then, he rolls his eyes. “I sure hope so. Not a lot of straight guys I know kiss dudes like that.”

  
John chuckles. "Shut up and kiss me again, Sensei." He says, closing the gap again. This time, he lets one of his hands rest at the nape of Dirk's neck. John doesn’t have to tell him twice. Dirk twines his hands in John’s hair like he didn’t get to last time, and plays around with it while kissing John. His eyes flutter shut and he lets himself get lost in John’s lips. John sighs softly into Dirk’ lips, feeling the world disappear around them. This is it. His whole world is Dirk, he doesn't need anything else right now. He smiles into the kiss, eventually pulling back to breathe. He then gets an idea. He pulls out his phone, still staying as close to Dirk as possible, and puts the song "Best Friends Brother" on. He has a shit eating grin on his face. Dirk hums contentedly, and doesn’t think much of it when John pulls away. He feels breathless himself, and so, so lightheaded under John’s hands, like he’s the only air Dirk would ever need. Which is why he feels so utterly betrayed when Victoria Justice’s voice fills the space.

“I regret kissing you,” he says, flopping back on the bed. Being honest with himself, he found it endearing. He has the worst taste in guys. John lays down next to him, on his side. He puts his hand on Dirk's cheek and says, "No you don't." John kisses him on the corner of his mouth and then rests his head on Dirk's chest. Dirk puts his arm around John, and runs his fingers through John’s hair with the other. 

“No, I don’t,” he agrees. As he lays there, he realizes they haven’t talked about what any of this means. “Hey, John?” John sighs contentedly as Dirk's hand runs through his hair.

"Yeah, Dirk?"

“Want to go on a date?” He asks. Dirk’s eyes swing from the ceiling to John’s face, to gauge his reaction.

"Where to, Sensei?" John asks, smiling gently up at Dirk, reaching out to hold one of his hands.

“Maybe a nice restaurant. Get dressed up, hold hands under the table, the works.” He squeezes John’s hand. “Or we could fuck around and play laser tag or something.”

"Who says we cant do both?" John asks, leaning up a bit, before clarifying, "But yes, I would love to go on a date with you, dweebus." He kisses him again, as a sort of punctuation to his sentence. Dirk happily accepts the kiss, trying to convey all of his excitement into the few seconds it lasts before he pulls away to respond.

“That’s Sensei to you,” he warns teasingly. “And it sounds like a plan.”

"Perfect." John says, kissing him gently on the forehead, before sitting up in the bed. "As much as I'd love to stay in bed with you and kiss you for another few hours, _I_ want to make pancakes, and _you_ are coming with me!" He says, before standing up and pulling Dirk by the hand out of bed. Dirk lets John drag him out of the bed while he racks his mind for their kitchen supplies. “We don’t have pancake mix if that’s what you mean, but we can heat up some frozen ones.” He makes a mental note to get actual cooking supplies, since he now has a boyfriend who cooks. Or a potential-boyfriend. Fuck. He can’t help but feel giddy even at the thought of it.

"Do you have any flour? Or baking soda? Or sugar? Or just frozen food and smuppets?" John asks, looking at the cabinets suspiciously.

“All are equally dubious.” Dirk takes a look in the cupboards anyway. “I found flour,” he says after two minute’s search.

"Hmmmm." John says. "I think we'll have to use the frozen ones, if we just have flour we'll get hard pan pucks." He chuckles. "Now, where do you keep the frozen ones?" He asks, and goes to open another cabinet, forgetting momentarily the terrors of the Strider cabinets. Dirk instinctively pushes John out of the way. This time, a wayward blade snags on his shirt and cuts into his skin. Dirk hisses a bit through his teeth, and rolls his shirt up to inspect the cut. 

“We typically keep the frozen pancakes in the freezer,” he tells John, quickly turning to search the drawers for gauze.

"Shit! Dirk are you okay??" John asks, stepping up beside him. "Here, Dirk, sit down and tell me where the gauze is, you're bleeding." He tells him, gently pushing him to a small table in the kitchen.

“Nah, don’t worry. I have good practice with this kind of thing,” he dismisses. “Are you sure you aren’t hurt? I don’t know if I pushed you out in time. Fuck, I should’ve reminded you about this, you could’ve gotten seriously injured.”

"What do you mean you have practice? Thats really ominous Dirk!" He says, continuing to push him gently towards a chair. "I'm not hurt, but you are. I'm going to wrap up your back and you’re going to sit here, because you're bleeding and you shouldn't have to do it yourself."

‘What?’ “Dave hasn’t told you?” Dirk asks, frowning. He begrudgingly sits down on the chair John’s pushing him in, and rolls up his shirt just enough to give John access.

"Dave and I don't talk about the past much, so I have no clue what you're talking about. But you can tell me more after you tell me where the gauze is, honey." He says, the pet name slipping out on accident. He doesn’t address it.

“I checked the first two drawers, so I figure it’s in the third, sweetie-pie,” Dirk faux-coos. John opens up the third drawer and fishes out the gauze. He walks back over to Dirk, and starts to try to wrap up his back, but his shirt keeps falling and getting in the way. "Could you take this off? It's in the way." John asks, gently tugging at his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the abrupt ending! we had to cut it in the middle bc it was late and rest was needed dglfkhsdlfkh

**Author's Note:**

> also this is from an rp! there is more currently, but it's gonna take me a bit to transfer that to this, as it is script, but that will be coming soon-ish! :)  
> i will probably upload more as we go on so uh. stay tuned ig?  
> and sorry if my john is a bit weird/off! im still getting used to rping lmao  
> also if you comment anything nice i WILL weep dont test me


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